Hospice Named Non-Profit Organization of the Year

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice was presented the Best Non-Profit Organization of the Year Award at the Sussex County Chamber of Commerce “Toast to the Stars,” Awards dinner on Wednesday, May 9th.

The award was presented in recognition of outstanding accomplishments by a non-profit organization with a reputation for excellence within the non-profit community, as well as with the public at large.

Other nominees and award winners can be viewed here. Click here.

 

Subaru World of Newton presents $15,000 to Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice

Newton, NJ – May 3, 2018. Subaru World of Newton presented $15,000 to Julia Quinlan, co-founder and chairman of Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice on Thursday, May 3, 2018 at the dealership showroom in Newton. Subaru World of Newton has proudly donated more than $65,000 to the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice since 2015.

 

The donation was the result of the “Subaru Shares the Love” Campaign. Subaru of America, Inc. marked it’s 50th Anniversary in the United States in 2017. And for the second year in a row, there was no cap on the total donation from Subaru of America to its Share the Love charitable partners.  2017 marked the tenth anniversary of the event.

From November 16, 2017 to January 2, 2018, Subaru donated $250 for every new Subaru vehicle sold or leased to the customer’s choice of a national charity or a pre-approved hometown charity. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice was selected as the hometown charity to be the recipient of the annual campaign.

 

The initial check to the hospice was for $14,584. Wally Darwish, general manager and Donald Allen, district parts and service manager each added additional donations to surpass the original $15,000 fundraising goal. “We are about reaching goals at this dealership,” said Allen. “Goals of the families we serve in the community, our employees and charitable organizations.”

 

“Subaru World of Newton is a committed partner in the local community. Over the years, we’ve faithfully donated to local organizations, like the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, hosted pet adoptions, rain coat drives for Project Self Sufficiency and funded our local elementary school’s projects. Paying it forward is important to our dealership and we’re always looking to provide expert care and love to those we interact with every day,” said Darwish.

 

“We’ve been the proud recipient of the Subaru Stellar Care Award, now currently known as the Love Promise Award, twice for outstanding customer satisfaction driven by our remarkable sales and service teams,” said Michele Rygiel, district sales manager from Subaru Distributors Corporation.

 

“We are so thankful for the continued support of Subaru of Newton,” said Julia Quinlan. “There are so many families in the communities we serve that will benefit from this generosity.”

 

The Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is a not-for-profit organization which provide a full continuum of high quality medical, emotional and spiritual services to individuals requiring hospice, family members and the community.

Wally Darwish, general Manager of Subaru World of Newton (front left) presents a check to Julia Quinlan as part of the Subaru Shares the Love annual charitable giving promotion as the staff of Subaru World of Newton and Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice join in the presentation.

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice named a 2018 Hospice Honors Elite Recipient

Newton, NJ, May 1, 2018 — Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice has been named a 2018 Hospice Honors Elite recipient by HEALTHCAREfirst, the leading provider of Web-based home health and hospice software, billing and coding services, CAHPS surveys, and advanced analytics. Hospice Honors is a prestigious program that recognizes hospices providing the highest level of quality as measured from the caregiver’s point of view.

 

“We are excited to recognize the 2018 Hospice Honors recipients for their hard work and dedication to providing exceptional care,” said J. Kevin Porter of HEALTHCAREfirst. “I congratulate Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice on its success in achieving this highest of honors.”

 

Award criteria were based on Hospice CAHPS survey results for an evaluation period of October 2016 through September 2017. Award recipients were identified by evaluating performance on a set of 24 quality indicator measures. Performance scores were aggregated from all completed surveys and were compared on a question-by-question basis to a National Performance Score calculated from all partnering hospices contained in the HEALTHCAREfirst’s Hospice CAHPS database. Hospice Honors recipients include those hospices scoring above the HEALTHCAREfirst National Performance Score on 20 of the evaluated questions. HEALTHCAREfirst holds a special recognition, Hospice Honors Elite, to honor hospices scoring above the HEALTHCAREfirst National Performance Score on all 24 of the evaluated questions.  Please visit HEALTHCAREfirst’s website at www.healthcarefirst.com to learn more about HEALTHCAREfirst Hospice CAHPS survey program as well as the Hospice Honors awards.

 

About HEALTHCAREfirst

HEALTHCAREfirst provides Web-based technologies and services to improve business and clinical operations for over four thousand home health and hospice providers across the United States. Based in Springfield, MO and one of the fastest growing providers of its kind, the company provides agency and clinical management software, outsourced revenue cycle management services (billing, coding and OASIS Review), CAHPS surveys, and advanced analytics, in any combination. HEALTHCAREfirst’s breadth of solutions offers agencies a single source to improve patient care, create operational efficiencies, increase profitability, and simplify CMS compliance. With HEALTHCAREfirst, agencies can focus on patients instead of paperwork. 

2018 Hospice Honors Photo Gallery

The winning secret number from the 2018 Hospice Honors Banquet is 321. Please contact our office by Monday April 23, 5 pm, if you have the winning number. You can call 973-383-0115 ext. 145 to claim your prize of two tickets to the 2018 Wine and Cheese Festival. If no prize is claimed we will draw a different number.

2018 Hospice Honors Photo Gallery – Photos by Paul Wheeler

« of 9 »

Bereavement Center Open House 4/20/18

Ribbon cutting ceremony at the grand opening of the new permanent home of the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center in April of 2017. Left to right: John Quinlan, Director of Development, Julia Quinlan, President of the Governing Board and co-founder; MaryEllen Quinlan, Vice-President of the Governing Board; Diana Sebzda, Director of Bereavement; Cecelia Clayton, Executive Director; Tammie Horsfield, President Sussex County Chamber of Commerce; Lorri Optiz, Bereavement Counselor, Tara Reyes, Bereavement Counselor and Nancy Moody, Bereavement Counselor.

The public is invited to attend an Open House to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the new permanent location of the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center. The open house will be held on Friday, April 20, 10 a.m. – 6:30 p.m., at the Bereavement Center located on 5 Plains Road in Augusta.

 

The Center exists for the community. Counselor help those who are finding it difficult to function because of the loss of a loved one find ways to cope.

 

The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement center has continuously served families in the community since 2000. Previously located on 61 Spring Street in Newton, the Center moved to its new, permanent location last April. The building on 5 Plains Road was purchased because of the generous support of the community. The Center also has satellite offices in Hackettstown and Milford, PA.

 

“Unfortunately, at some time in everyone’s life they will experience the loss of a loved one. The services offered by the staff and the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center truly help people find the road to recovery,” said Diana Sebzda, MA, LPC, FT, Director of Bereavement.

 

The centers currently offer group support meetings, anticipatory grief support counseling for families with a loved one who is dealing with a terminal illness, school bereavement support programs, memorial services, grief lecture series, children’s bereavement art programs, pet loss support groups and more.

 

“The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center is a sanctuary of safety. I felt unconditional acceptance and support and left feeling renewed and hopeful,” said Charles Stackhouse who received services from the Center.

 

We encourage those who have not stopped by for a visit in our new location to please consider it on Friday, April 20th. There is no obligation, just stop by to chat with one of our counselors and take a tour. If you know someone in need of help, bring them so they can experience first-hand the warmth, compassion and professionalism of our staff with no pressure of commitment.

 

A free travel tumbler will be given to the first 40 guests to attend the Open House. For more information or to RSVP please call 973-948-2283.

 

Who can benefit from grief/bereavement counseling?

Bereavement refers specifically to the process of recovering from the death of a loved one. Grief is a reaction to any form of loss. Both encompass a range of feelings from deep sadness to anger, and the process of adapting to a significant loss can vary dramatically from one person to another.

 

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Some people recover from grief and resume normal activities within six months, though they continue to feel moments of sadness. Others may feel better after about a year, and sometimes people continue to grieve for years without seeming to improve or find relief even temporarily. 

 

When a person’s grief-related thoughts, behaviors, or feelings are extremely distressing, unrelenting, or incite concern, a qualified mental health professional may be able to help.

 

A therapist might help the bereaved find different ways to maintain healthy connections with the deceased through memory, reflection, ritual, or dialogue about the deceased and with the deceased.

In addition to individual therapy, group therapy can be helpful for those who find solace in the reciprocal sharing of thoughts and feelings, and recovery results are often rapid in this setting. Similarly, family therapy may be suitable for a family whose members are struggling to adapt to the loss of a family member.

 

The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center offers grief support and counseling for both hospice families and anyone in the community. The professional and caring staff can bring comfort and understanding which will help you and your family through difficult times. The counselors at the center offer individual counseling and ongoing support groups.

 

The month of April marks the one-year anniversary of finding a permanent home for the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center on 5 Plains Road in Augusta. The Center also operates satellite offices in Hackettstown and Milford, PA.

 

If you know of anyone who could benefit from out services, please give them our phone number, 973-948-2283. One phone call can make the difference.

 

Cecelia Clayton, MPH, executive director at Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice will be presenting a 4-part lecture series for those living with grief. Pre-registration is required as walk-ins will not be accepted. You can learn more about the series and register online at KarenAnnQuinlanHospice.org/

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is a Level 4 “We Honor Veterans” Partner

We Honor Veterans partners recognize the military service of Veterans with special pinning ceremonies and awards. “We Honor Veterans partners are on a mission to serve our nation’s Veterans with the dignity they deserve,” says NHPCO President and CEO, J. Donald Schumacher.  “We equip our partners with the resources to acquire the necessary skills to understand and serve the unique needs of our Veterans.”

How does Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice help veterans?

It was recently announced that the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization and Department of Veterans Affairs continued their commitment and development of the highly successful We Honor Veterans program. This national initiative engages community partners in the care of veterans, especially those facing advanced illness and nearing the end of life. NHPCO and the VA launched We Honor Veterans (WHV) in 2010 to address the growing need for veteran-centered care, especially as Veterans are aging and need access to palliative and hospice care.

“As there will continue to be more than 500,000 Veterans dying each year for the next decade, VA’s collaboration with community programs is needed if we are going to address the needs of an even larger number of seriously ill Veterans,” says Scott T. Shreve, DO, National Director, Hospice and Palliative Care for the Department of Veterans Affairs.  “These demographic projections also call for increased understanding of the different war eras (e.g., Vietnam Era) as approaches to end of life care need to adapt to each Veteran’s needs.”

To ensure each enrolled Hospice has “earned their stars” and has the proper training to meet the needs of their veteran community, they must progress through a series of levels. Each hospice partner level has a matching logo that makes it easy for VA staff and Veterans to identify those who have made the commitment to offer Veteran-specific care; thus assuring the services the hospice provides are performed by a competent and highly skilled workforce. In order to meet those requirements, Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice has pledged to the WHV program and has completed level four out of the four levels; which entails a series of training programs, outreaches, partnerships and events.

We Honor Veteransa program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) in collaboration with the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), invites hospices, state hospice organizations, Hospice-Veteran Partnerships and VA facilities to join a pioneering program focused on respectful inquiry, compassionate listening and grateful acknowledgment. By recognizing the unique needs of America’s veterans and their families, community providers, in partnership with VA staff, will learn how to accompany and guide them through their life stories toward a more peaceful ending.

We Honor Veterans provides educational tools and resources in advancing these goals: 

  • Promote Veteran-centric educational activities
  • Increase organizational capacity to serve Veterans
  • Support development of strategic partnerships
  • Increase access and improve quality

The goal of the program is simple – to care for and honor those who have served when they reach the end of life. By working through the partner levels and participating in community partnerships and collaborations, partner organizations are able to educate, engage, and expand awareness to Veterans and their families. A vast majority of Veterans are not enrolled in VA and may not be aware of end-of-life services and benefits available to them, including the Medicare Hospice Benefit and VA-paid hospice care.

The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization is the largest nonprofit membership organization representing hospice and palliative care programs and professionals in the United States. The organization is committed to improving end of life care and expanding access to hospice care with the goal of profoundly enhancing quality of life for people dying in America their loved ones.

Considered to be the model for quality, compassionate care at the end of life, hospice care involves a team-oriented approach of expert medical care, pain management, and emotional and spiritual support expressly tailored to the patient’s wishes. Emotional and spiritual support also is extended to the family and loved ones. Generally, this care is provided in the patient’s home or in a home-like setting operated by a hospice program. Medicare, private health insurance, and Medicaid in most states cover hospice care for patients who meet certain criteria.

By recognizing their unique conditions, hospice professionals can learn how to accompany and guide veterans and their families through their life stories toward a more peaceful ending. The Karen Ann Quinlan Memorial Foundation is passionately dedicated to providing Hospice care for the terminally ill and Bereavement for those who have lost loved ones. Serving Northwest NJ and Northeast PA; please call 800 882 1117 to reach any of our services at either office; Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 99 Sparta Ave., Newton, NJ and Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 104 Bennett Ave., Milford, PA. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is an independently owned hospice program and proud to be the preferred hospice provider for Newton Medical Center and our area Atlantic Health Care System. 

Click here to download a brochure with more information about the “We Honor Veterans” Partnership.

KnitWits of North Warren need yarn

The North Warren KnitWit members knit and crochet shawls, lap blankets, hats and scarves that they donate to Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice and other charities and organizations in Sussex and Warren County. They are in need of yarn donations to continue their work. Anyone wishing to donate can drop off yarn at the North Warren Library Catherine Dickson Hofman Branch located on 4 Lambert Rd in Blairstown. The group meets at the library every Tuesday from 9:30 a.m. – 12 noon and is always looking for new members.

Children’s Art Bereavement Program Slated

Children who participated in the summer children’s art bereavement program made several crafts as they learned methods to cope with the loss of a loved one.

The effects of unresolved grief on children can be devastating. From a child’s perspective, the experience of loss is not only overwhelming emotionally, but affects cognitive functioning as well.

Young children may be unable to recognize or categorize their losses, let alone sort them one from another. They may receive unclear explanations or no information at all about why these losses have occurred.

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice and the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center will host the Children’s Art Bereavement Program on Thursday evenings, 6 p.m. – 8 p.m., starting on March 8. This themed program is designed for children (age 6-12) who have experienced the loss of a loved one through death. This program will focus on meeting the individualized needs of grieving children through art and play.

This series also helps children understand their own unique feelings in grief, allows them to come together with others who have also experienced the loss of a loved one, and provides an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their feelings and fears about death.

For the adults, a simultaneous group will be provided for the parents or guardians. This group will be educational and supportive in nature.  

Registration for this session is limited. Pre-registration is required and there is a $100.00 fee to help cover the cost of materials and supplies. Limited scholarships are available. Please call Diana Sebzda, Director of Bereavement for more information or to register at 973-948-2282 or email bereavement@karenannquinlanhospice.org.

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice Volunteer Training Scheduled for March

HACKETTSTOWN – February 7, 2018. Volunteer training classes for those who are interested in the hospice philosophy of care, who wish to explore the elements of End of Life Care and Bereavement, will be held in March at St. James Episcopal Church on 214 Washington Street in Hackettstown, NJ. Class dates are Wednesday and Friday mornings from 10:00 a.m. to 12 noon on March 2, 7, 9, 14, 16 and 21 with graduation scheduled for Friday, March 23.

Trained Hospice professionals will teach the various sessions on these topics including: Patient Care, Cancer Concepts, Pain Control and Nutritional Concerns, Family System, Aging, Listening and Communication Skills, Spirituality, Ethics, Death, Dying and Bereavement. Upon completion of the course, participants are Certified Hospice Volunteers and have the option of working in their communities and establishing their own schedules. In addition, they choose what allowable services they are willing to provide for the organization.

Hospice Volunteers are an integral part of an extended support system assisting the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice professional team in caring for terminally-ill patients and their families. They offer companionship and emotional support or provide respite for family caregivers. “There is a definitive need and primary request from caregivers for volunteers to provide assistance during the day,” notes Sue Dougherty, Volunteer Coordinator. “Morning and afternoon assistance avail the caregiver the opportunity to run errands, make appointments and simply refuel with a couple of hours to themselves. Ultimately, our purpose is to encourage quality of life in the home for the entire family while providing palliative care for the patient,” concludes Dougherty. For additional details or to register for this training opportunity, please contact Sue Dougherty at Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice at 973-383-0115 or sdougherty@karenannquinlanhospice.org. Click here to register for this training session now.

The Karen Ann Quinlan Memorial Foundation is passionately dedicated to providing Hospice care for the terminally ill and bereavement counseling for those who have lost loved ones. Serving Sussex and Warren Counties in NJ and Northeast, PA; please call 800-882-1117 to reach any of our services at either office; Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 99 Sparta Ave., Newton, NJ and Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 104 Bennett Ave., Milford, PA. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is an independently owned hospice program and proud to be the preferred hospice provider for Newton Medical Center and area Atlantic Health Care System. The award-winning Home for Hospice is located in Fredon, NJ. The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center is located at 5 Plains Rd. in Augusta with satellite offices in Pike and Warren Counties. For hospice programs, events, and more information visit www.karenannquinlanhospice.org or Facebook.com/KarenAnnQuinlanHospice.org.

Toyota World of Newton donates books

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice would like to thank Toyota World of Newton for their recent book donation. Pictured are Ellen Thiessen of Toyota World and Nicole Hammer, Development Associate for the Hospice.
 
For those wishing to donate books there is a drop box outside of our office located on 99 Sparta Avenue in Newton. The Hospice receives a monetary donation for all books received. For more information please call Jennifer Smith at 973-383-0115.

National Wear Red Day® on Friday, February 2, 2018

Support Go Red For Women by participating in National Wear Red Day® on Friday, February 2, 2018. 

Why Go Red? Cardiovascular disease in the U.S. kill approximately one woman every 80 seconds. The good news is that 80 percent of cardiac events may be prevented with education and lifestyle changes. Go Red For Women advocates for more research and swifter action for women’s heart health. That’s why this year we are asking that you wear red on National Wear Red Day.® 

Go Red For Women is a movement that starts with you. Lead by example and make the time to “Know Your Numbers.” It’s knowledge that could save your life.  Five numbers, that all women should know to take control of their heart health are: Total Cholesterol, HDL (good) Cholesterol, Blood Pressure, Blood Sugar and Body Mass Index (BMI). Knowing these numbers can help women and their healthcare provider determine their risk for developing cardiovascular diseases. It’s time for all women to learn the most critical numbers in their life — their hearts depend on it.

Levine elected to role of vice president of NJSNA

The New Jersey State Nurses Association welcomed a new vice president and secretary to its Board of Directors at a swearing in ceremony this weekend.

Mary Ellen Levine, a Hopatcong resident, was elected to the role of vice president. She serves as a hospice nurse Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice in Sparta and an adjunct professor at Caldwell University.

“It is my goal to promote organization membership and professional involvement with regards to the direction of nursing practice and health care policy,” said Levine. “I look forward to serving during this exciting time and having an impact on all New Jersey nurses, the practice of nursing and patient care.”

NJSNA, which was established in 1901, is a constituent member of the American Nurses Association. The New Jersey State Nurses Association (NJSNA) represents the interests of 125,000 registered nurses and advanced practice nurses as an advocate for the nursing profession. NJSNA’s lobbying arm continues to protect the nursing profession through legislative victories. Its nonprofit foundation, Institute for Nursing, helps nurses further their careers by providing continuing education, scholarships and research grants in addition to invaluable networking opportunities. For more information, nurses can visit njsna.org or contact NJSNA at njsna@njsna.org or (609) 883-5335.

The Long Goodbye

The Long Goodbye: Coping With Sadness And Grief Before A Loved One Dies

For years before her death at age 96, Nancy Lundebjerg’s mother underwent a long, slow decline.

Arthritis made it hard for Margaret Lundebjerg to get around. After two hip surgeries, she needed a walker when she was out and about.

Incontinence was a source of discomfort, as was the need to rely on aides to help her perform daily chores.

Little by little, Margaret became frail and isolated. “There was a sadness to seeing my mother’s circle of life become diminished,” said Nancy Lundebjerg, 58, CEO of the American Geriatrics Society, who wrote about her experiences in the organization’s journal.

The anguish accompanying aging isn’t openly discussed very often, nor is its companion: grief. Instead, these emotions are typically acknowledged only after a loved one’s death, when formal rituals recognizing a person’s passing —the wake, the funeral, the shiva — begin.

But frailty and serious illness can involve significant losses over an extended period of time, giving rise to sadness and grief for years.

The loss of independence may be marked by the need to use a walker or a wheelchair. The loss of a cherished role may dishearten an older woman who is no longer able to cook dinner for her extended family, gathered at the holidays. The loss of shared memories may be painful for adult children when their older father is diagnosed with dementia. And these are but a few examples.

Looming over everything is the loss of the future that an older adult and his or her family imagined they might have, often accompanied by anxiety and dread.

This pileup of complex emotions is known as “anticipatory loss.” “The deterioration of function, disability and suffering have their own grieving processes, but helping families deal with that isn’t built into the health care system,” said Dr. John Rolland, professor of psychiatry at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and author of “Families, Illness and Disability: An Integrative Treatment Model.”

Rolland and several other experts offered advice on how to deal with difficult emotions that can arise with frailty or serious illness:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

“Grief starts the moment someone with a serious illness receives the diagnosis,” said Tammy Brannen-Smith, director of grief and loss services at Pathways, a hospice in Fort Collins, Colo. But it doesn’t stop there. Each time a capacity is lost — for instance, an older adult’s ability to negotiate stairs, to drive or to manage household finances — sadness and grief can arise afresh. Brannen-Smith encourages people to acknowledge their feelings and try to “normalize them, because people don’t understand that everyone goes through this.”

Talk Openly

When families avoid talking about an aging parent’s frailty or serious illness, the person with the condition can become isolated and family relationships can become strained.

“My view is, you’re better off trying to get through whatever you’re facing together,” Rolland said.

When Rolland works with couples who are dealing with multiple sclerosis, for instance, he asks them to make a list of things they’d like to discuss but don’t. “Usually, there’s about a 75 percent overlap, and it’s a tremendous relief to most people to find out they don’t have to keep things locked up inside,” he said.

“People who are facing serious illness think about what might lie ahead all the time,” Rolland said. “For a family member not to bring this up, for everyone to be off in their own grieving pockets, alone, isn’t helpful.”

Communicate Sensitively

Abigail Levinson Marks, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, regularly works with adults who have brain tumors, which can alter their thinking and wipe out their memories, as dementia does for millions of older adults.

“People with these conditions aren’t the same as they were before, but it would be heartbreaking for them to know that you didn’t see them as the same person,” she said. “So, the truth becomes something that cannot be named and that everybody avoids, for fear of shaming the person.”

In her practice, Marks asks “people to share what each person is going through and not worry about protecting each other from what they’re feeling,” she explained. “Because protecting each other leads to feeling more alone and magnifies the feelings of loss.”

For a caregiver of someone with dementia, that might mean saying,“Sometimes you might see a look crossing my face and think that I’m disappointed. It’s not that I’m upset with you. It’s that I’m sad that there are things that happened in our past that we don’t remember together.”

For someone who has suffered a stroke, it might mean encouraging them to open up about how hard it is to lose a measure of independence and be seen as someone who’s disabled.

Lean In

How people respond to sadness and grief varies, depending on their personality, past experiences, the relationship they have with the person who’s frail or ill, and the nature of that person’s condition.

“Sadness can make you cherish a person even more and appreciate small moments of connection,” said Barry Jacobs, a Pennsylvania psychologist and co-author of “AARP Meditations for Caregivers.”

Some people, however, can’t tolerate feeling this distress and end up distancing themselves from someone whose health is declining. Others might show up in person but focus on tasks instead of allowing themselves to connect emotionally.

If possible, lean in rather than letting yourself become distant. “Cherish the time that you have together,” Jacobs said. “Rather than pulling back, move toward the person and be as engaged with them as possible, particularly on an emotional level.” In the end, connection eases the pain of grief, and you’ll be glad you had this time with the person.

Seek Support

“Don’t confront grief alone or in isolation,” said Alan Wolfelt, founder and director of the Center for Loss & Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colo. “Have people around you who are supportive and who will be present for you” — family members, friends, people from a support group, whoever is willing to be a companion through your journey through serious illness.

Ultimately, this journey will help shape how you ultimately experience a loved one’s death.

Wolfelt describes mourning his mother twice. “The day she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and all the days I watched her dwindle. And then, the day she died, I had to begin mourning again, at a whole other level.”

But Lundebjerg of the American Geriatrics Society found a measure of peace when her mother finally passed away, after two seizures and the family’s decision not to pursue further treatment. “It was OK that she died because she was ready — she had made that very clear. And I had come to peace, over a very long time, with the fact that this was going to be coming.”

We’re eager to hear from readers about questions you’d like answered, problems you’ve been having with your care and advice you need in dealing with the health care system. Visit khn.org/columnists to submit your requests or tips.

Blue Knights ride for Hospice

On January 1, 2018, members of the Blue Knights Chapter IX motorcycle club rang in the new year by riding out in the annual Chilly Chili Run to benefit Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice.

Last year the Blue Knights donated more than $11,000 to the Hospice from the 2017 run. The donation was used to provide medical, emotional and spiritual support to people facing terminal illness. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice make certain that their remaining days can be lived as fully as possible.

We would like to thank the Knights for helping us maintain this mission.