Will a support group help?

Many grieving people wonder if they would benefit from joining a support group. Support groups are a time-tested method of help for people struggling with all sorts of difficulties. But groups are not magic; there are no words that can be uttered within a group setting that can make grief disappear. 

Will a support group help?

Groups are places to work together to support one another; they are places where everyone gives and takes. Not everyone will find a support group suitable; each individual grieves in his or her own way.  For many, however, support groups have much to offer, such as:

Validation: Grief is experienced in so many ways — physical, emotional, and spiritual. One needs a place to recognize that these reactions are part of the journey of grief. Being with other grieving people can reaffirm that one is not going crazy. While every loss is unique, through support groups one can bask in the support of others who have experienced loss and understand.

Time away: For many people, a support group can be a break from the loneliness and the boredom that often come with grief.

Suggestions for coping: There is no single solution to dealing with loss but members of a support group can offer a range of alternatives. By listening to stories of how others cope with a particular problem, one can find the solution that might work best.

Support groups offer two other gifts: they provide hope by providing models that reaffirm that one can survive loss; and participating in a support group can also help the griever can find new empathy, new understandings, and renewed strengths.

The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center offers support groups in the following locations open to anyone who is suffering a loss of a loved one through death. The support groups are on-going, free of charge, and no pre-registration is required. For more information please call 973-948-2282.

Monthly: Location: Time:
Second Monday 5 Plains Rd., Augusta, NJ 7:00 – 8:30 p.m.
Third Tuesday 214 Washington St., Hackettstown, NJ 10:00 – 11:30 a.m.
Fourth Tuesday 206 E. Ann St., Milford, PA 10:00 – 11:30 a.m.
First Wednesday 5 Plains Rd., Augusta, NJ 12:30 – 2:00 p.m.
Third Wednesday 5 Plains Rd., Augusta, NJ  12:30 – 2:00 p.m.

 

Charitable Foundation recognized with Platinum Seal of Transparency

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice Charitable Foundation was recently recognized for our transparency with a Platinum Seal on our GuideStar Nonprofit Profile! GuideStar is the world’s largest source of information on nonprofit organizations. More than 8 million visitors per year and a network of 200+ partners use GuideStar data to grow support for nonprofits. In order to get the Platinum Seal, Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice Charitable Foundation shared important information with the public using our profile on www.guidestar.org. Now our community members and potential donors can find in-depth information about our goals, strategies, capabilities, and progress. We’re shining a spotlight on the difference we help make in the world. Check out our GuideStar Nonprofit Profile and tell us what you think: https://www.guidestar.org/profile/22-3562304

Celebrate Life 5k Walk to raise funds for Bereavement Center

On September 30, 2017, Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice will host the second annual “Celebrate Life 5k Walk.” The event, held at the New Jersey State Fairgrounds in Augusta, will start at 9:00 a.m. Pre-registration starts at 9:00 a.m. and opening ceremonies at 9:30. The walk is a way to help those dealing with a loss celebrate the life and memory of loved ones who have passed.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is an emotional process that each person handles differently. The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center offers support to members of the community who are going through the grieving process. The proceeds from the walk will benefit the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center located on 5 Plains Road in Augusta, NJ. Satellite offices are located on Washington Street in Hackettstown and The United Methodist Church in Milford, PA.

The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center, which is funded by donations from the community, provides grief support and counseling for hospice families and the community regardless of a families ability to pay. The staff works to bring comfort and understanding to help families through difficult times. Individual counseling and ongoing support groups are offered. Support groups include: anticipatory grief support, school bereavement support, memorial services, grief lecture series, children’s bereavement art program and pet loss support.

People interested in participating in the walk can register online at KarenAnnQuinlanHospice.org/Walk. The cost is $25 for adults and $15 for participants 13 and under. Vendor applications are also being accepted for $25. Registrations will also be accepted at the “Celebrate Life 5k” walk kick-off party which will be held on Friday, September 29 in the Romano Conference Center at Newton Medical Center from 4 p.m. – 6 p.m. All walkers are invited to attend the kick-off to register, grab a healthy snack and get their t-shirt.

New at this year’s event we will have a Memory Wall sponsored by BIGGS Kids. Participants are encouraged to bring a photo of their loved one to place on the Memory Wall. Each year we will display past photos as well as encourage new one to be placed. We will also have a memory celebration with the lighting of a symbolic Memorial Light. The light will then be on permanent display at the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center.

Registrants are encouraged to form a team to raise funds. There will be prizes awarded to individuals and teams who raise the most money. Individuals who raise $100 or more will get a memorial marker with their loved one’s name displayed along the walk route. All money raised will stay in the community and benefit the Bereavement Center.

Please call 973-383-0115 ext. 145 for more information on how you can get involved. If you are unable to walk we always have need for volunteers to help out on the day of the event. On September 30, we will all walk together so that no one has to walk alone.

 

 

New Medicare cards are coming in 2018

Medicare will mail new Medicare cards between April 2018 and April 2019. Your new card will have a new Medicare Number that’s unique to you, instead of your Social Security Number. This will help to protect your identity.

Things to know about your new Medicare card

  • You don’t need to take any action to get your new Medicare card.
  • The new card won’t change your Medicare coverage or benefits.
  • Medicare will never ask you to give us personal or private information to get your new Medicare number and card. Learn more about the limited situations in which Medicare can call you.
  • There’s no charge for your new card.

Watch out for scams

Scam artists may try to get your current Medicare number and other personal information by contacting you about your new Medicare card. They often claim to be from Medicare and use various scams to get your Medicare Number including:

  • Asking you to confirm your Medicare or Social Security Number so they can send you a new card.
  • Telling you there’s a charge for your new card and they need to verify your personal information.
  • Threatening to cancel your health benefits if you don’t share your Medicare Number or other personal information.

If someone calls you and asks for your Medicare number or other personal information, hang up and call  1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227).  

Visit https://www.medicare.gov/ for more information.

 

Cecelia T. Clayton to Present “Living with Grief – A Four Part Lecture Series”

HACKETTSTOWN –  The professionals at Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice proudly present the Living with Grief four part lecture series hosted at the Hackettstown Medical Center on 651 Willow Grove Street in Hackettstown on four Tuesday evenings, September 5, 12, 19, 26 from 6:30-8:00 p.m .

Presenter Cecelia T. Clayton, MPH, Executive Director of Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, will work with attendees to gain a deeper understanding of the effect that grief has on our lives, our loved ones, and our relationships.  The free series is offered to the community for anyone who has experienced a loss, who is helping another cope with loss, or who would like to learn more about the grieving process. Registration is required with limited seating. Please call 973-383-0115 or 800-882-1117, Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Or click here to register online.

The Karen Ann Quinlan Memorial Foundation is passionately dedicated to providing Hospice care for the terminally ill and bereavement counseling for those who have lost loved ones. Serving Sussex and Warren Counties NJ and Northeast PA; please call 800-882-1117 to reach any of our services at either office; Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 99 Sparta Ave., Newton, NJ and Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, 104 Bennett Ave., Milford, PA.  Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is an independently owned hospice program and proud to be the preferred hospice provider for Newton Medical Center and area Atlantic Health Care System.  The award-winning Home for Hospice is located in Fredon, NJ. The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center recently opened their doors to a permanent home at 5 Plains Rd. in Augusta with satellite offices in Pike and Warren Counties.

For hospice programs, events, and more information visit www.karenannquinlanhospice.org or Facebook.com/KarenAnnQuinlanHospice.org.

Cirello Granted the Hospice Medical Director Certified® (HMDC®) Credential

Milford, PAAugust, 2017 – Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is proud to announce that Joseph A. Cirello, M.D., H.M.D.C., of Milford Family Practice, was recently granted the Hospice Medical Director Certified credential by the Hospice Medical Director Certification Board. Dr. Cirello was recognized for his commitment to improving the quality of life by displaying professional competency in the hospice industry.

Hospice practice includes patient care, medication management, performance improvement, engagement in interdisciplinary group (IDG) activities, and much more. Professional certification affirms a knowledge and experience base for hospice physicians to display commitment to their career, dedication to patient and family care, and the sustainability of the hospice organization and industry. HMDC designation is granted for six years and is renewed through continued validation of knowledge and re-assessment.

Dr. Cirello is board-certified in family medicine and began practicing in Milford, Pennsylvania, in 2009.  A graduate of Fairleigh Dickinson University and St. Matthews University School of Medicine, he completed his residency training at Overlook Medical Center.  Dr. Cirello accepts patients of all ages into his family practice, and is committed to his community. 

He serves as the Delaware Valley School physician, he is a board member for the Center for Development Disabilities, and medical director of Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice. In addition, he is on the Palliative Care Committee at Newton Medical Center.

“We are honored to have Dr. Cirello serve as a medical director at Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice,” said Cecelia Clayton, Executive Director. “Dr. Cirello always brought an incredible wealth of knowledge to the team and an unparalleled depth of caring to the patients we serve.  This additional credential certification as a Hospice Medical Director benefits not only our organization but also our patients with expanded, specialized hospice care.”

Currently there are approximately 800 Certified Hospice Medical Directors across the country.

Dr. Cirello is on staff at Newton Medical Center, is affiliated with Atlantic Medical Group and is a participating provider of the Atlantic Accountable Care Organization.

The Hospice Medical Director Certification Board (HMDCB) serves as an independent, not-for-profit certifying body to administer a certification program for hospice medical directors and other physicians who provide hospice care for patients. The mission of HMDCB is to relieve suffering and improve quality of life by promoting the excellence and professional competency of hospice medical directors.

Information about the Hospice Medical Director Certification Board including a directory of certified hospice physicians is available at www.HMDCB.org.

NJ Project Medicine Drop

The New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs has developed Project Medicine Drop as an important component of its effort to halt the abuse and diversion of prescription drugs. It allows consumers to dispose of unused and expired medications anonymously, seven days a week, 365 days a year, at “prescription drug drop boxes” located within the headquarters of participating police departments.

 

Each Project Medicine Drop box is installed indoors, affixed to the floor or wall in a secure area within police department headquarters, within view of law enforcement officers, in an area to which members of the public may be admitted to dispose of their unused medications. Their prominent “Project Medicine Drop” logos make the boxes highly visible and recognizable.

 

A complete list of drop locations in New Jersey can be found here.

Patient Safety in the Home

Our goal is to prevent all falls. Although they are not always preventable, with the assistance of your health care professional they can be fewer in number an less in severity.

There are many factors that put you at risk for injury due to falls in your home. This information is meant to increase your understanding of safe movement and transfer techniques. Our professional team will monitor our risk for falls on an ongoing basis and work with your on continued preventions of injury.

Remember

  • Our goal is to keep your comfortable, keep you safe, to keep you free from pain
  • Your safety and well being is our concern
  • Your nurse is available to answer any questions you might have
  • There are many different types of equipment available that can assist you so that you can be safe and injury free.

Canes

There are various canes that can be used, but, remember:

  • The cane should be used on the stronger (unaffected) side of your body: If your right side is weaker, hold the cane in your left hand. Move the cane as you move your right leg. Then move your left leg.
  • Always practice first with someone standing beside you before you do it on your own.

Walkers

Walkers are used when you have generalized weakness and instability. Remember:

  • Place your hands on the handle grips on both sides of the walker with slight flex at the elbows. When you walk mover the walker first then step into it. Only move the walker on step.
  • To rise from a sitting position, use the arms of the chair to push your body to a standing position. Do not pull your body into an upright position using the walker.

Sitting

Proper posture encourages good circulation, comfort, optimal respiratory function, prevents falls and prevents complications related to skin integrity. Remember:

  • Align your head and spine and keep your back straight
  • Support both arms with armrests
  • Keep your legs uncrossed
  • Keep both feet flat on the floor

Wheel chairs

Wheel chairs are often used when poor endurance leads to immobility as well as when you find it difficult to bear weight. Remember:

  • Always make sure the wheels are locked when transferring in or out of the wheel chair.
  • Maintain proper sitting alignment.
  • Have wheel chair maintained in good mechanical condition.
  • Servicing is available through your medical equipment supplier.

Transfers

Transferring from bed to chair and from chair to bed properly is an important part of maintaining your mobility. Remember:

  • Plan your move before taking action and make sure the area is clear of clutter.
  • Always know your limits and call for help if needed.
  • Ask questions, demonstrate what your know to your nurse and follow all instructions.

In the event of a fall

If you should find yourself falling, the following will help to minimize injury, Remember:

  • Protect your head and face and do not try to break the fall.
  • If possible, don’t move until you are checked by another person.
  • If there is no one available, attempt to move very slowly until the extent of injury is know. Notify your nurse or family as soon as possible after the fall (even if you do not think your have any injury).

Ten Facts about Hospice Care You May Not Know

Some people mistakenly think hospice care is just about dying…that hospice is the place you call when there’s nothing more that can be done. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hospice helps patients and families focus on living. Hospice care brings comfort, dignity, and peace to help people with a life-limiting illness live every moment of life to the fullest. It also reaches out to provide support for the family and friends who love and care for them. Last year, 1.56 million dying Americans were served by the nation’s hospice providers. Yet, there are some important facts about hospice that people don’t know. And this may be keeping people from getting the best care possible, when they need it most.

  1. Hospice is not a place; it’s high-quality medical care that helps the patient and family caregivers focus on comfort and quality of life.
  2. Hospice is paid for by Medicare, Medicaid, most insurance plans, HMOs, and managed care plans. Fear of costs should never prevent a person from accessing hospice care.
  3. Hospice serves anyone with a life-limiting illness, regardless of age or type of illness.
  4. Hospice serves people of all backgrounds and traditions; the core values of hospice—allowing the patient to be with family, including spiritual and emotional support, treating pain—cut across all cultures.
  5. Research has shown that the majority of Americans would prefer to be at home at the end of life’s journey—hospice makes this possible for most people.
  6. Hospice serves people living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities.
  7. Hospice patients and families can receive care for six months or longer.
  8. A person may keep his or her referring physician involved while receiving hospice care.
  9. Hospice offers grief and bereavement services to family members and the community.
  10. To get the most out of what hospice offers, it’s better to have care for more than just a few days.

If this information about hospice surprises you, take the time to find out more. The best time to learn about hospice is BEFORE someone in your family is facing a healthcare crisis. For more information, contact Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice at 800-882-1117. This information is provided by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization and Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice. Karen Ann Quinlan Memorial Foundation is passionately dedicated to providing Hospice care for the terminally ill and Bereavement for those who have lost loved ones. Serving North and Northwest NJ and the Pike County area PA; please call 800 882 1117 to reach any of our services. 

New Finance Manger joins Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice

Anthony Giordano of Hamburg, NJ was named Finance Manager at Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice in early May.  Anthony, or Tony as he likes to be called, has twenty-five years of accounting experience.  Five of those years was spent working for non-profit organizations, most recently Daytop New Jersey, a substance abuse treatment center for adolescents.

“I have a passion for working for non-profit organizations. It’s a plus to work for an organization that helps so many people.

“We are pleased to have Tony join our team. He brings years of accounting experience and his background in working with non-profit organizations is invaluable,” said Cecelia Clayton, Executive Director.

Tony has worked for various industries and has owned his own tax preparation and software businesses. He received his degree in accouting after realizing his love for reconciling numbers.

Tony grew up in Sparta and currently resides in Crystal Springs in Hamburg with his wife of 18 years Linda. Tony and Linda have three children, Melissa, Paul and Anthony. His hobbies include reading, bicycling, walking and traveling. The last book he read was “Tuesday’s with Morrie.”

“I am excited to work here, and look forward to meeting everyone,” said Tony.

The Karen Ann Quinlan Memorial Foundation provides Hospice care for the terminally ill and Bereavement for those who have lost loved ones. Please call 800 882 1117 to reach any of their services or visit their web site https://karenannquinlanhospice.org/. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice is fully accredited by the New Jersey Department of Health as a certified Medicare and Medicaid Hospice, accredited by the Community Health Accreditation Program (CHAP), and a member of the NJ Hospice Organization and the National Hospice Organization.

The Finances of End-of-Life Care

 

When facing the many challenges at the end of life, families should be able to focus on ensuring comfort and quality of life for their loved one. But studies show that concerns about paying for end-of-life care often take priority. As baby boomers age, and provide care for their aging parents, these concerns are justified. In addition to providing quality medical care and emotional support, hospice care can also ease these financial concerns. For more than 30 years, the Medicare Hospice Benefit has provided a comprehensive and cost-effective model of end-of-life care. This benefit covers virtually all aspects of hospice care with little out-of-pocket expense to the patient or family. The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization reports that more than 10 million Medicare beneficiaries have received this high quality care at the end of life. About 80 percent of hospice care is paid for through the Medicare Hospice Benefit. In addition, most private health plans HMOs, and Medicaid in 47 States and the District of Columbia cover hospice services. Medicare covers these hospice services and pays nearly all of their costs:

  • Professional services (like nursing care and physician services)
  • Nursing care
  • Medical equipment (like wheelchairs or hospital beds in the home)
  • Medical supplies (like bandages and catheters)
  • Drugs for symptom control and pain relief
  • Short-term care in the hospital, including respite and inpatient for pain and symptom management
  • Social work services
  • Dietary counseling
  • Grief support

If your loved one does not have coverage through Medicare, Medicaid or a private insurance company, Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice will work you and your family to ensure needed services are provided. Hospice and palliative care involves a team-oriented approach to expert medical care, pain management, and emotional and spiritual support expressly tailored to the patient’s needs and wishes. By helping to alleviate financial concerns, The Medicare Hospice Benefit can ease some of the burdens often associated with caring for a seriously ill loved one, allowing families to focus on the quality and loving care that everyone deserves. Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice can provide you with all the information needed. Please call us at 800-882-1117 and ask to speak to one of our social workers. This information is provided by the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice and the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization.

Comfort Suite at Belle Reve Senior Living

Belle Reve Senior Living  – Comfort Suite

Milford PA – Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, in partnership with Belle Reve Senior Living, opened very special Comfort Suite that delivers much needed options for hospice patients in the Pike County area.

The Comfort Suite, designed with the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice patient and family in mind, features a comfortable living space along with room for family and friends. The Comfort Suite, located at Belle Reve Senior Living (404 East Harford St, Milford, PA), offers area Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice patients and their families’ emergency or back-up choices including temporary residency for their loved one who needs respite care or living quarters while permanent arrangements are being made. An average stay for patients ranges from 5 to 10 days. “Also for the hospice patient who needs skilled symptom management, the Comfort Suite can be a temporary safety net to get the patient’s symptoms under control” Cecelia Clayton, Executive Director of Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice, explained.

Prior to this collaboration patients had to travel out of county to access a similar facility. Now they can stay close to home and family members can be as close as possible to their loved ones.

To become eligible for hospice care, an individual must be diagnosed with a life-limiting illness by his or her physician. A life-limiting illness is one in which the individual’s life expectancy is more likely to be months or weeks rather than years. “The hospice Comfort Suite in a highly rated facility such as Belle Reve is a natural partnership and much needed resource for members of the Pike County Community,” stated Clayton.

Hospice is a special concept of care designed to provide comfort and support to patients and their families when a life-limiting illness no longer responds to curative treatments. The hospice team offers specialized knowledge of medical, nursing, and social work including pain management, along with clergy, Pharmacia, bereavement counseling, therapists and trained volunteers.

Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice has been a founding leader in the belief that when caring for the physical, emotional, spiritual, and social needs of a loved one who is facing end of life, the final days of life should be lived with dignity and respect. To learn more about the hospice Comfort Suite please call the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice office located at 104 Bennett Ave, Milford, PA at 570-296-3591, or to reach any of the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice offices 24 hours a day, 7 seven days a week call 800-882-1117.

Here’s how a grief support group can help

Many grieving people wonder if they would benefit from joining a support group. Support groups are a time-tested method of help for people struggling with all sorts of difficulties. But groups are not magic; there are no words that can be uttered within a group setting that can make grief disappear. 

Groups are places to work together to support one another; they are places where everyone gives and takes. Not everyone will find a support group suitable; each individual grieves in his or her own way.  For many, however, support groups have much to offer, such as:

Validation: Grief is experienced in so many ways — physical, emotional, and spiritual. One needs a place to recognize that these reactions are part of the journey of grief. Being with other grieving people can reaffirm that one is not going crazy. While every loss is unique, through support groups one can bask in the support of others who have experienced loss and understand.

Time away: For many people, a support group can be a break from the loneliness and the boredom that often come with grief.

Suggestions for coping: There is no single solution to dealing with loss but members of a support group can offer a range of alternatives. By listening to stories of how others cope with a particular problem, one can find the solution that might work best.


Support groups offer two other gifts:
they provide hope by providing models that reaffirm that one can survive loss; and participating in a support group can also help the griever find new empathy, new understandings, and renewed strengths.

The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center, located on 5 Plains Road in Augusta, holds group support meetings the first and third Wednesday of each month from 12:30 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. and from 7:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. on the second Monday of each month. Group support groups are also held at our satellite locations on 214 Washington Street, in Hackettstown monthly on the third Tuesday from 10:00 a.m. – 11:3 a.m. and at the United Methodist Church on Ann Street in Milford PA on the fourth Tuesday from 10:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.

All support groups are open to not only those who have used hospice services, but also to anyone in the community whom is suffering the loss of a loved one. For more information on all the programs that are offered at the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center please call 973-948-2283 or visit KarenAnnQuinlanHospice.org.

Why Shred?

Why Shred?

Why shred your documents and paperwork that are unneeded, out of date, or no longer relevant? Why not just throw them out?

Everyone knows that we should protect ourselves from cyber identity theft, but it’s easy to forget that the threat of “paper” identity theft is still very real. Don’t take chances—shred! On-site shredding is the primary way to safeguard personal information. Once you’ve gathered all of your documents designated for destruction bring them to our offices located on 99 Sparta Avenue in Newton this Saturday, July 8, and watch them get shredded while you wait! Cost is only $6 for a grocery sized brown bag.

According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), discarded paper is one of the principal sources of information for identity thieves. Secure destruction of sensitive material helps you and your company avoid risks like:

  • Loss of trade secrets
  • Fraud
  • Embarrassing publicity
  • Litigation, fines, and penalties
  • Identity theft

 

As far as personal documents are concerned, to be as safe as possible, we recommend that you destroy any paper that contains even a minimum of personal information. Identity thieves are clever and can gain a great deal of usable information from documents like:

  • Medical/Dental Records
  • Discarded mail
  • Resumes
  • Used Airline Tickets

Helping a Friend Who is Facing a Life-Limiting Illness

This article from the Hospice Foundation of America website give some practical tips on how to help a friend for family member that is facing a life-limiting illness.

What do you say and what can you do to support a friend who is dying? Every situation will be different depending on how long you have known someone, how close you are to the person, and how much he or she might welcome words, visits and other offers of help.

If you have never faced this situation before, start with your own thoughts and feelings about death. Be sure you have someone to talk with about your own reactions so you can be less anxious around your friend. Reading other articles on this site about dying, death and bereavement may help you feel more confident about supporting your friend, while at the same time coping with your own feelings about his or her impending death.

Here’s an example that may also help you think of your own ways to help:
Wayne had been at home receiving hospice care for the last month; his wife, Betty, was his primary caregiver. Their friends John and Mary found many ways to offer support to both of them.

John sent brief “thinking of you” notes to Wayne every week, especially in the times when he could not visit.

John and other friends provided rides to the doctor, mowed the grass, walked the dog, and drove Wayne’s children to several out-of-town school events.

Mary and John stayed overnight a few times, giving Betty a break with nighttime caregiving duties.

Mary helped organize a circle of friends to run errands, do laundry, and bring dinners and desserts. Friends also sent funny cartoons to Betty as they knew she loved to laugh, even during difficult times.

Mary always texted before calling to be sure it was a good time for Betty to talk so she would not interrupt with unplanned phone calls.

In addition to all of this practical help, John and Mary both spent quality time with Wayne. Based on what he needed that day: pushing him in his wheelchair around the neighborhood, sitting quietly by his bed, touching his arm or hand when it seemed comfortable for him, or playing some of his favorite music

When Wayne expressed anger about his illness to John, John listened. John’s steady presence showed Wayne that, even though the conversations might be tough, it was safe for Wayne to share any emotions he had about his illness and death.

Throughout the visits, John and Mary reassured Wayne that they were determined to continue to support Betty and the children even after his death.

John and Mary tried to tune in to what was wanted and needed by asking, “What can I do this week to be useful?” Sometimes the need was for space and quiet, other times for hands-on-help. The important thing is to offer and be sensitive to the answer so you can be a good friend even in the face of life-threatening illness.