Now I have to learn how to be a widow. How to create a new life, a new way of being. I am truly alone.
As a new widow (that word sounds strange and startling) I have had many new insights. In my work in end of life, the focus has been on approaching death. Grief has been an afterthought, not a primary issue. With Jack’s death, I know how powerful grief is.
Emotionally, now a month after Jack’s death, I am still kind of numb. I haven’t cried since his death. The tears are generally behind my eyes. I can feel them but can’t or won’t let them out.
I am not my gentle, understanding self. I am impatient. I am not necessarily being sociable or even being polite. I am sharp and edgy. That is not who I consider myself to be.
Little things I never thought of before have come to light. Who do you talk to when you get up in the morning? Baxter, my cat, gets my words. Who do you eat with, sit at the table with, watch TV with? No one other than Baxter.
How do you go to bed at night? Close the door to the bedroom? Lock the bedroom door? Leave a light on? For 65 years, Jack has been in my life. He was part of everything and I didn’t even realize it.
Click here to read the full story: https://bkbooks.com/blogs/something-to-think-about/the-part-of-grief-you-dont-know-until-you-do